I pass by the mirror and see time has taken its toll: my hair now sports slivers of silver that I have to "touch up" every so often; my lenses in the "no-line" glasses now frustrate my so-called "mature" eyes - especially while trying to read grocery store products on high and low shelves; and my brain holds much more than it did when I was merely a quarter-of-a-century old.
Not all of the knowledge upstairs is wonderful, happy, or positive - yet it remains. Perhaps such knowledge and experience hold some good in them ... though I've yet to be convinced of such, as once again, this quarter-of-a-century later, I find myself at a crossroad of time. When I was the age my sweet nephew is today, it felt my whole world had been shattered and lay in shards about my feet. Yet, somehow I survived.
Today, however, these 25 years later, I find myself at another crossroads. The darkness envelops me and I feel more lost, more uncertain about who and what I am, of less worth and little confidence. So what is to become of me? (Even as I typed this query my gut wrenches: it hates the unknown.) Though I have no specifics, I have learned this: To see one's futures, one must do nothing more than press forward with faith. Faith that things will take a turn. Faith that with God, nothing is impossible. Faith that there really is something more. Herbert Spencer said, The wise man must remember that, while he is a descendant of the past, he is a parent of the future. And Samuel Johnson wrote, The future is purchased by the present. Even though I feel less sure of what my future holds today, at least I have the assurance that the decisions I'm making now to improve myself and better my life will bring positive results.
If this keeps up, my 75th year will be a real humdinger! But I'm determined to survive that, as well.
I think you are spending your time well dear one. Hang in there.
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